Jack Kornfield, Jon Kabat-Zinn and Ram Dass Walk Into a Bar...

Reading the subject line of this post, some of you are scratching your heads, while others are giggling just thinking of the absurdity of three mindfulness gurus as the beginning of an "Into a Bar" joke.

I've read and listened to a great many books on mindfulness, or living in the present moment.  Some of these books have been treatises on the wonders of reorienting your world view to include a lot more perspective and a lot less planning/dwelling.  Others have been mildly humorous manuals on meditation and focus.

All of these books have one common thread--the road to a better life begins with letting go.  With the advent of social media, we've taken worrying and obsession to the next level of intensity.  It is no surprise that social media overuse is bad for you.

Recently, I've started waking up earlier (par for the course and not unusual anymore)--five or even four thirty in the morning.  Normally, this would have started to worry me. After thinking about the advent of this phenomenon, however--I'm embracing it.  I used to wonder why my parents got up this early.  I bet it has to do with a mix of instinct  and genetic memory (perhaps, of farming/hunting/gathering and the need to rise early to make it possible to survive the long winter months).

Life is very quiet and peaceful at this time of day.  I have adequate time to meditate, wake up, read, knit, and exercise prior to the start of what will almost invariably be a busy day (weekend day or not, we tend to do quite a lot, Romeyn and I).

So I have let go of the concept of sleeping in and getting additional rest, at least for the present moment.  I'm finding the little moments of joy in a life that has fewer moments of rest but greater amounts of Amanda time.

Be well, fellow Introverts. 

YANA (You Are Not Alone)

Remember that episode of Dr. Who with "Chan....Tho"...where you realized that Dr. Yana (aka The Master, or Moriarty to Dr. Who's  Sherlock Holmes) had an acronym for a name?  The Face of Boe, Dr. Who, and Yana/Master play out this cute little enigma in grand style.

Similarly, I feel that those who suffer from Depression are often decoding life's mysteries to try to find others with whom to appropriately share their trials and tribulations.  The many, many hoops that insurance companies make us jump through do not help us in our quest.

When dealing with insurance companies, I often feel like I'm in a Western movie being asked to "dance" at gunpoint.   Dance, little Depressive.  Dance.  You need treatment?  We'll see about that.  Dance, dance, dance...

It's complicated by the fact that I'm an Introvert.  I often get the reaction of "I don't believe you're an Introvert." But the simple truth is that I get my energy by rest and time alone with my books.  People are by and large an exhausting reality for me.  That being said, they're important and worth the power drain.

So I go out of my way to perfect the people moments.  I try to connect and serve and be a good human being.

Today is going to be a great example of that.  A dear friend of mine and her children will be joining me at The Wild Center for some natural beauty and a nice walk (and photo ops for all of us, let's not forget that!).  Oooh, and I definitely want to spend a little time at the Otter Enclosure.

I'm looking forward to the event, AND it's hard for me to get up the energy to go.  Does that make the event bad for me?  No way!  It simply means I accept myself and my needs, AND I recognize that the good of seeing my friend, her kids, and nature far outweigh the negative impact of energy drain.

Accepting yourself is a big part of successfully navigating being an Introvert (and, frankly, it is good for Depression as well).  Be kind to yourselves, fellow Introverts.

Wiggle Your Fingers and Toes

I've recently begun a practice of morning meditation.  It brings a sense of openness to my surroundings, something we could use more of in this highly computerized age.  One of my favorite phrases during the guided daily meditations from an app aptly named "Calm" is this:  "Wiggle your fingers and toes." We, the guided, get to do this almost every day at the tail end of the session.

There's a delightful simplicity in this action.  How often do we stop and enjoy little things like this? 

1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144...

Numeric data provides at least a preliminary sense of stability in the world.  It is reassuring to go through the Fibonacci sequence, calculate normative statistics, or simply to count sheep while attempting to drift off to sleep.

Math is the basis for the world as we know it.  When I was an art student, math provided a beautiful basis for perspective--allowing me to show something receding into the distance, or foreshortened in the foreground. 

The golden ratio is everywhere we look...a seemingly magic bit of math that you can see in the very plants that surround us.

The fractal art of Alex Gray fascinated me in my youth (when I wasn't watching Financial News per my mother).  For some of his work, visit here:  https://fractalenlightenment.com/20/artwork/alex-grey-beyond-art

I think of the world in terms of scale, perspective, and curve.   Mathematicians and economists often apply their theories to their surroundings because these theories underpin those same surroundings.

A large scale provides an ample view of perspective--true mathematically, artistically, and emotionally.  Scarcity drives perceived value, which explains a great deal of human behavior, our perception of beauty, and our drive to seek the unknown.

Everything is math, and math is Everything. 

Be well, fellow Introverts.

Individualism, Integrity, Introversion, and Identity

As an Introvert, and especially as someone who is most definitely not neuro-typical, I sometimes struggle with reading a room.  That is to say, some of the things that make me uniquely Me are not for public consumption, and are especially not for professional consumption. 

Drawing those lines can be a little difficult in today's day and age.   The boundaries of work and home have become almost inextricably entwined.  Whole articles and books are dedicated to the idea of "Weisure" (Work/Leisure) because we have become so connected that work comes home and home comes to work in the form of mobile work stations and emergency family notifications (hooray for laptops, mobile phones, and tablets).

The difference between adaptive communications and maladaptive communications can be as simple as a given norm in an organization or division, department, or family. The bottom line is that, similar to NYS ethics laws as applied to public officials, the appearance of impropriety is as bad if not worse than actual impropriety.  So the careful application of situational logic is key.

I took constructive feedback yesterday that I passed on to one of my stepsons as an example of it being OK to misunderstand situational norms as an adult, and to learn from the experience rather than focusing on petty details in the moment.  I believe that one of the worst feelings is that of self-castigation after it becomes clear that a norm was not followed that should have been self-evident from the start.

In order to grow, everyone must let go and learn.  None of this would be possible without the ability to acknowledge and make room for their own minor missteps along the way.

The Topic of Depression: May is Mental Health Awareness Month

I haven't been shy about sharing my struggles with Depression with family and friends.  Despite being thought of as the "common cold" of mental health issues, Depression can be a life-threatening illness.

Self-care is the mantra of the empowered.  Place your air-mask on before attempting to assist others.  Even if you're fully neurotypical, you're still living in a world that needs You to be fully present in the moment, with your own air-mask on and your hands ready to assist your fellow man.

The upshot of this is that I travel with activities to distract myself (knitting, reading material, a sketchbook), I participate in a support group for women dealing with similar illnesses, and I recognize when it's time to speak up and self-advocate for additional assistance.   Today was one such day.  I reached out to two excellent medical professionals who were able to help me combat the symptoms of acute Depression on very short notice.

We are an incredibly adaptive society, in an enlightened state of mind when it comes to recognition and treatment.  It is time to destigmatize mental health issues.  The brain, after all, is an organ in the body.  It deserves equal rights to medical treatment, does it not?

Although I've stepped away from Facebook for a few days, I have an algorhythm in place that will pick this article up and post it for me after a little while.  I have no doubt that some will question the professional wisdom of sharing this sort of struggle online.  However, to those questioning I believe I can answer with complete sincerity--destigmatization begins with individuals standing up and owning their own struggle. 

Sharing the struggle is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Be well, fellow Introverts.

Almost Forty and (Mostly) Fearless

White Plains High School (WPHS) wasn't my favorite part of life, but it was an important piece of the puzzle.  My class is turning 40 this year (happy birthday to the class of 1996!).  It's made a bunch of us think about the good, the bad and the ugly.

Here's what WPHS did for me:  Between the good, the bad and the ugly, it fully prepared me for life out in the world.  I am (mostly) fearless, and I have been since graduation.  The overwhelming message from almost all of the faculty and staff at WPHS was simple but beautiful (and wise...and kind...):  You can try for anything you want to do, just be willing to put forth the effort.

Math and innate creativity (encouraged by the rigorous arts at WPHS and SUNY Potsdam and the legendary MPA program at Seattle University along the way) have been the keys to a whole series of unique opportunities and amazing experiences in my life.  Here are a few examples:

• Being included in a college concert (isn't it fun that music is a language of math?) as a child.
• Being included in the Hurley's Nightclub Album 2000 during my time at SUNY Potsdam.
• Moving across the country (where I knew precisely no one...) to work with AmeriCorps*VISTA, Seattle Education Access, and Refugee Women's Alliance.
• Budgeting for the MTA for a few years which led to a guided tour of a tunnel boring machine sixteen stories below Manhattan.
• Becoming a Lion and participating in an amazing number of volunteer projects over the past four years.
• Including a sculpture I made during my time at SUNY Potsdam in the Bicentennial Time Capsule (we'll see it resurface in 2066!).
• Designing my own dashboards in Oracle Business Intelligence.
• And the best of all, my current job!  I wanted to be in nonprofit administration when I was 22, but I lacked the experience necessary to arrive.  Now I'm learning at the feet of the Jedi Master of Data (Beth Bellardini).  It is never, ever boring!

In nine days, I join the ranks of most of my WPHS '96ers and turn forty.  I am grateful for the blessings of my life.

Be well, fellow Introverts!

Kitchens of The Great Midwest

In "Kitchens of The Great Midwest" J. Ryan Stradel takes the small town and twin-cities narrative style of Garrison Keillor and pairs it seamlessly with the sinewy tang of an almost Laura Esquivel-style mythos.

The entire book is set (appropriately) in courses.  Each course left me wanting more than the writer was willing to give.  A warning--the book is rife with triggers for readers with multiple types of familial trauma.  As for me, I spent time laughing, crying, and turning red with sympathetic frustration.  There are very few two-dimensional characters in this culinary anthology of small (yet tall) tales.

Bravo, Potsdam Library "After Work" Book Club.  Excellent choice!  I won't be able to make it tomorrow until late in the meeting, but I can't wait to hear the reactions of other readers.