One of my favorite books of all time is "How Can I Help?" by Ram Dass and Paul Gorman. It's a bird's eye view of the natures and passions that sway an individual's drive to assist other beings in the world. The book was given to me by a dear friend during a very difficult time in my life, right before moving home to New York State.
There are so many wonderful points in the book, some more amusing than helpful (ironically). But the best (and the most memorable to me) was a little allegory about a wise man who refused to wear pants in his hut. Everyone went to the wise man for assistance because he was so self-assured (and presumably, a sage). However, his disciples wondered why he refused to wear pants in his hut. His answer (paraphrased): 'You are in my hut. My hut serves as my pants. I am comfortable here as I am, and you have sought me out.' The moral that I took away from that story was simple--those who are most comfortable with themselves wind up being perceived as wise (with the wherewithal to truly listen to others), and comfort with one's self does mean making others uncomfortable from time to time.
Another moral of that story is that we are in the best place to help others when we have addressed our own needs (Maslow's Hierarchy speaks to that as well).
This week has been about caring for my space, my mind-space, and my restfulness. I believe this activity has made me a better partner to Romeyn in the process, as well as a better friend, better worker, and better person.
Be well, fellow Introverts.
Thursday, June 30, 2016
Wednesday, June 8, 2016
Religion Is, or Is Not
I'm a big believer in The Golden Rule. It seems to be the basic tenet of most major religions, at least down at the very root of them. For years, I wasn't sure what religion I wanted to espouse. Frankly, it's still a mystery. I've joined a number of churches as well as some other places of gathering/worship during the course of my life. One of my favorite exchanges in the movie "Harold and Maude" just about sums it up for me:
Harold: "Do you pray?"
Maude: "Pray? No...I communicate."
Harold: "With God?"
Maude: "With life!"
There's a difference between Atheism and Agnosticism. My belief system is amorphous in that I do not believe I know enough of the world to define a god. However, I have absolutely no interest in this belief being right for anyone but me.
Another favorite quote (from an acquaintance of my mother, back in the eighties):
"I don't know if there is a Heaven or Hell. I do know that we can make Heaven or Hell for ourselves here on Earth."
My great grandfather on my mother's side wrote a book about the function of religion. I studied some of the religions of the world during my Undergraduate program, as well as during my Graduate program (religion being one of the very first forms of government).
Religion has so many benefits, and it enables groups to do some excellent works for the public good. It also requires faith in specific principles, precepts and histories. It is this requirement that I cannot keep. No religion seems to fit the bill.
So, the earth is my cathedral. I do pray/communicate, but generally not indoors. In the words of a yogi that I met in Albany in 1998, "Love is all there is." No one need share one's viewpoint of the world.
Be well, fellow Introverts.
Harold: "Do you pray?"
Maude: "Pray? No...I communicate."
Harold: "With God?"
Maude: "With life!"
There's a difference between Atheism and Agnosticism. My belief system is amorphous in that I do not believe I know enough of the world to define a god. However, I have absolutely no interest in this belief being right for anyone but me.
Another favorite quote (from an acquaintance of my mother, back in the eighties):
"I don't know if there is a Heaven or Hell. I do know that we can make Heaven or Hell for ourselves here on Earth."
My great grandfather on my mother's side wrote a book about the function of religion. I studied some of the religions of the world during my Undergraduate program, as well as during my Graduate program (religion being one of the very first forms of government).
Religion has so many benefits, and it enables groups to do some excellent works for the public good. It also requires faith in specific principles, precepts and histories. It is this requirement that I cannot keep. No religion seems to fit the bill.
So, the earth is my cathedral. I do pray/communicate, but generally not indoors. In the words of a yogi that I met in Albany in 1998, "Love is all there is." No one need share one's viewpoint of the world.
Be well, fellow Introverts.
Thursday, June 2, 2016
The Impending "Empty Nest"
In late August of this year, Kyle will move into college. My younger stepson usually spends one week with us, and one week with his mom on an alternating schedule. Dinner plans are relatively static. He's with us for dinner on Mondays and Wednesdays regardless of the week, barring circumstances that necessitate changing this schedule on the fly.
My elder stepson (Brady) has been effectively gone from our house for five years. I cried at his High School graduation party, and I anticipate doing so at Kyle's party as well. It is right that children grow up and leave the home to experience life and new adventures. Since I've really only known my boys since they were 10 and 15 years of age (respectively), it's just so hard to let go.
Kyle will graduate from High School in three weeks. He'll move into college at the end of the summer. Brady will return to his graduate studies in Binghamton after a wonderful summer in Pennsylvania. The house will be empty. Our house. Our little family's house. This is the house that the boys grew up in, that I was happy to move into and join as the newest member of our unit in 2009. The swing set is gone from the backyard, the bag of outdoor toys gathering dust in our basement. The leftover decorations from past birthday celebrations are up in the attic.
No one is perfect--no adult, no teen, no child, no babe in arms. Everyone tries their best and muddles through situations as they arise. The crux of the matter for me (the matter of life, I guess) is that I've only known my boys (really known them) for eight years. I've been a part of their family for seven years. Such a wonderful part of my life is winding down. I suppose that I'm as ready as I will ever be. As a friend once said, "How wonderful that you feel this way about the children in your life. Not every stepparent or stepchild is so lucky."
How true.
My elder stepson (Brady) has been effectively gone from our house for five years. I cried at his High School graduation party, and I anticipate doing so at Kyle's party as well. It is right that children grow up and leave the home to experience life and new adventures. Since I've really only known my boys since they were 10 and 15 years of age (respectively), it's just so hard to let go.
Kyle will graduate from High School in three weeks. He'll move into college at the end of the summer. Brady will return to his graduate studies in Binghamton after a wonderful summer in Pennsylvania. The house will be empty. Our house. Our little family's house. This is the house that the boys grew up in, that I was happy to move into and join as the newest member of our unit in 2009. The swing set is gone from the backyard, the bag of outdoor toys gathering dust in our basement. The leftover decorations from past birthday celebrations are up in the attic.
No one is perfect--no adult, no teen, no child, no babe in arms. Everyone tries their best and muddles through situations as they arise. The crux of the matter for me (the matter of life, I guess) is that I've only known my boys (really known them) for eight years. I've been a part of their family for seven years. Such a wonderful part of my life is winding down. I suppose that I'm as ready as I will ever be. As a friend once said, "How wonderful that you feel this way about the children in your life. Not every stepparent or stepchild is so lucky."
How true.
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