One of my favorite movie quotes is from "Office Space." "I did nothing, and it was everything I thought it could be." Today is a day open to any activity I so choose--including a healthy dose of Nothing. Nothing is a fabulous way to spend one's vacation day--especially when your career is based upon numeric calculations and ethical puzzles.
I'm tempted to be completely frivolous and go get a permanent, a manicure, and a mindless magazine. On the other hand, there are movies and books to enjoy at home. My cats are over the moon that I'm here with an ample lap to sit upon while I read, do the Watertown Daily Times crossword (and jumble), and sip slowly upon a giant coffee.
As an Introvert, I planned this week according to a deep need for Nothing. I had several days of social time (Friday evening, Saturday, Sunday, Monday). Tuesday is my day of Introversion. Wednesday into Thursday will be travel to and from Albany. Friday (during the day) will be preparation time for this weekend's Easter activities.
Happy Nothing, Everyone!
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Monday, March 16, 2015
Baa Baa Black Sheep (or, "The Third Funeral Quandary")
If you're reading my blog, you're probably already aware that my grandmother (my mother's mother) passed away in December of 2014. I was devastated. We moved mountains to get to both the Rochester (New York) funeral and the Chillicothe (Ohio) funeral. We cried buckets. We saw a great deal of our extended family at the latter funeral. It was briefly proposed that we do a family portrait, but a conscientious family member pointed out that not everyone was there for the Chillicothe event, and that might make them feel left out.
Time out, folks! There are a number of family portraits in which I do not exist. Some of them are due to my schedule, obligations, and life story. Others are due to not having been invited because it was a last-minute event.
There's a third funeral in the works for July of 2015, where my beautiful grandmother's remains will be interred and closure will be gained, this time presumably by the whole family. I loved my grandmother deeply. I want to honor her and be there for her final resting. A deeply insecure part of me (the part of me that is deeply aware of my status as a family Black Sheep) wonders what will happen if I am unable to make it for any reason. I'm guessing there would be another family portrait, and that even if someone spoke up protectively about my absence, the portrait would take place and there would be another beautiful framed photo documenting an event to which I was not in attendance.
Don't get me wrong. This isn't in the least "about me." It is an event that will allow grief and closure for all who loved and knew my beautiful, intelligent grandmother. As someone who has long felt a bit out of place, however, and as an Introvert---there is no good plan when it comes to a third funeral for the same beloved person. Regardless of other considerations, it will still generate pain, loss, exhaustion, and insecurity.
Time out, folks! There are a number of family portraits in which I do not exist. Some of them are due to my schedule, obligations, and life story. Others are due to not having been invited because it was a last-minute event.
There's a third funeral in the works for July of 2015, where my beautiful grandmother's remains will be interred and closure will be gained, this time presumably by the whole family. I loved my grandmother deeply. I want to honor her and be there for her final resting. A deeply insecure part of me (the part of me that is deeply aware of my status as a family Black Sheep) wonders what will happen if I am unable to make it for any reason. I'm guessing there would be another family portrait, and that even if someone spoke up protectively about my absence, the portrait would take place and there would be another beautiful framed photo documenting an event to which I was not in attendance.
Don't get me wrong. This isn't in the least "about me." It is an event that will allow grief and closure for all who loved and knew my beautiful, intelligent grandmother. As someone who has long felt a bit out of place, however, and as an Introvert---there is no good plan when it comes to a third funeral for the same beloved person. Regardless of other considerations, it will still generate pain, loss, exhaustion, and insecurity.
Monday, March 9, 2015
Don't Judge a Book
As some of you may already be aware, I love to read. I tend to love science fiction, fantasy, mystery, and paranormal romance. Books of any kind provide a needed respite from the social world while stimulating creativity. Yes, I'm including the "trashy" stuff in this assessment.
Books and libraries in general are a fabulous way for your Introvert to recharge.
Libraries are a wonderful sanctuary for the Introvert. Not only are there many tomes with which to ply your Introvert, but there are usually areas specifically designed for both reading and privacy. O frabjous day!
Please support your local library. It will help provide a safe space for your friendly neighborhood Introverts!
Books and libraries in general are a fabulous way for your Introvert to recharge.
Libraries are a wonderful sanctuary for the Introvert. Not only are there many tomes with which to ply your Introvert, but there are usually areas specifically designed for both reading and privacy. O frabjous day!
Please support your local library. It will help provide a safe space for your friendly neighborhood Introverts!
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Breathe
I had to make an incredibly difficult decision today---whether or not to continue instructing Zumba this semester after getting a repeated "You need to take it easy, NOW" from the staff at Urgent Care last night. The actual over-use injuries are not that bad, but the facts of my medical history and my family's medical history make doctors really nervous. I'm one symptom away (I won't get into it, it's pretty gross) from needing to go back in to Urgent Care to talk about potential Neuropathy. The doc kept saying, if this happens...go to the ER immediately. Oy. On a completely separate note (but not unrelated to the nervousness), it's been almost exactly 25 years since my bone-fusion surgery (complete with hardware) in middle school. When I mentioned this, everyone around me got quiet, frowned, got nervous, and started to question me about my back symptoms in greater detail. The upshot is that they got me to admit that this back pain is worse than any back pain I've had since I was sixteen (and fell down the stairs while practicing ballet...don't ask!).
Great galloping gobs of gopher guano! Holy heck. I really have to take a deep breath and step away from this situation for a moment. I can't just hate my body because it is prone to the ever dreaded be-careful-watch-and-wait medical stuff, complete with fun/stupid tests. It needs love.
In the spirit of Body Love, and in the spirit of self-care...the Zumba Fitness class is canceled for Spring 2015. *Sob.*
Great galloping gobs of gopher guano! Holy heck. I really have to take a deep breath and step away from this situation for a moment. I can't just hate my body because it is prone to the ever dreaded be-careful-watch-and-wait medical stuff, complete with fun/stupid tests. It needs love.
In the spirit of Body Love, and in the spirit of self-care...the Zumba Fitness class is canceled for Spring 2015. *Sob.*
Monday, March 2, 2015
I've Got to Tune Myself Up, Not Stress My Strings!
I've played guitar since the ninth grade, and I've played hammered dulcimer since October of 2014. When you tune an instrument with a wanton disregard for the octave, you're going to over-tighten and stress out your strings. Eventually, if you do this enough, the strings will break outright. As an Introvert, my strings are too tight, and I need to relax them to tune them to where they need to be.
There are inherent social obligations that a person can't avoid, regardless of whether they are Extroverted or Introverted. These inherent obligations are sometimes as difficult as "going out on a limb" to do the extraordinarily social stuff. As a result of this eternal struggle, it is likely that your Introvert takes any social advice or social manual literally--sometimes too literally. It is not unusual to have a situation where your Introvert takes the advice, goes just as far as the advice mandates, and then stops cold because implied or "common sense" expectations of follow-up activities are neither inferred nor intuited by your Introvert.
Trust me when I say that this sort of social oversight is not an intentional snub. It is a result of going with the directions in the first communication, and then assuming that all is well unless specifically communicated to your Introvert. This is a golden opportunity to communicate your needs as directly as possible.
A great (and positive) example of this is a recent communication. I received positive communications about having bent over backwards to meet some relationship/visitation needs over the last two months of 2014. Based upon this, I relaxed my stance of "When should we visit again?" and rested at home as needed for the busy months of January and February. This left the continuing need to connect unmet. A family member reached out to me, and instead of saying "It hurts when you don't visit" (which would have been a reasonable communication with someone who simply ignored the social cue to proactively visit), this very understanding family member reached out with a proactive invitation to visit, and an expression of the fact that they missed my presence.
I am intensely grateful that I have such forgiving and understanding family members, who are more than willing to reach out and connect with me when it is clear that I have missed the boat. :)
There are inherent social obligations that a person can't avoid, regardless of whether they are Extroverted or Introverted. These inherent obligations are sometimes as difficult as "going out on a limb" to do the extraordinarily social stuff. As a result of this eternal struggle, it is likely that your Introvert takes any social advice or social manual literally--sometimes too literally. It is not unusual to have a situation where your Introvert takes the advice, goes just as far as the advice mandates, and then stops cold because implied or "common sense" expectations of follow-up activities are neither inferred nor intuited by your Introvert.
Trust me when I say that this sort of social oversight is not an intentional snub. It is a result of going with the directions in the first communication, and then assuming that all is well unless specifically communicated to your Introvert. This is a golden opportunity to communicate your needs as directly as possible.
A great (and positive) example of this is a recent communication. I received positive communications about having bent over backwards to meet some relationship/visitation needs over the last two months of 2014. Based upon this, I relaxed my stance of "When should we visit again?" and rested at home as needed for the busy months of January and February. This left the continuing need to connect unmet. A family member reached out to me, and instead of saying "It hurts when you don't visit" (which would have been a reasonable communication with someone who simply ignored the social cue to proactively visit), this very understanding family member reached out with a proactive invitation to visit, and an expression of the fact that they missed my presence.
I am intensely grateful that I have such forgiving and understanding family members, who are more than willing to reach out and connect with me when it is clear that I have missed the boat. :)
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