Exhaustion

Sometimes, life throws you several curve-balls at once.  Using the tools at your disposal in order to cope doesn't always cut it.  I'm a big believer in the power of the nap in these cases.  Even ten minutes of shuteye can do wonders.  

The past few days have been particularly rough on me.  I managed to make myself physically ill from exhaustion and stress. Both of my wonderful stepsons, including our young introvert, gave me hugs without any prompting.  They were wonderfully supportive.  I was a mess.  

After a restorative nap, I got up and started to clean up after some of the messier stress factors of the weekend.  I think that naps are the last line of defense against stress--particularly introvert stress.  Onwards and upwards.  

The Challenge of Open House

Since I work at a college, participation in several events during the year with large crowds of people is non-optional.  The positive side of this "mandatory mixing" is that it has a(n awesome) specific drive and purpose.  Remember, I have a greater understanding of groups with a purpose.  An open house is not a forum where I'll be forced to endure a lot of small talk.  Rather, it is an environment where I give practical advice in short bursts of directed conversation.  Granted, it is usually the same advice in a repetitive loop to over a hundred open house participants at a stretch...but it is for their benefit and the repetition makes it easy to remember what to say.

That being said, there comes a point during the experience when my ability to deal with the social situation is stretched to its very limits.  It isn't a fluke that I live out in the country, in an incredibly rural setting with an extremely small population.  I've always been more of a coffeehouse person than a house-party person--fewer people at a time and a quieter (more personal) experience.

In my first post, I talked about tips for surviving social events.  Most of these do not apply in an open house setting.  For example, it would be inappropriate to bring knitting to this professional event.  But I still bring a tiny survival kit to open houses and similar events:

1. Chewing Gum (It may sound strange, but as an introvert, it becomes difficult to even think clearly in large crowds with a ton of ambient noise.  Chewing gum allows me to think a little more clearly while I navigate and interact with the group in question.)
2. Headache Medicine (I am prone to headaches, and specifically, migraines.  Better to be prepared than not, especially when I'm already in a state of Introvert high-tension due to a crowd.)
3. A Small Notebook (This one is thanks to my wonderful husband.  He likes to keep a mini notebook on hand just in case it is needed.  In my case, in a large crowd it is a great idea to be prepared for requests for follow up that I might not otherwise remember due to the aforementioned state of high-tension.)
4. A Plan to Decompress After the Event (For tomorrow's event, I've got Introvert Time before and after, as well as a nice quiet plan with a good friend later in the evening.)

With a little planning and self-care, crowded events need not run us Introverts into the ground.  Rather, these events can be opportunities to get outside of that comfort zone and help others while testing out our coping mechanisms in a perfectly crowded setting.

Reclaiming the Telephone

As an introvert, the "subtle" ring of a telephone usually inspires dread.   Oh goodness---there's an unexpected person!  It creates quite the challenge as I fight my natural urge to resent the unexpected person on the other end of the line.   I've been known to plan out phone-calls, texts and even emails in advance.

Lately, I have been working on increasing my telephonic exposure.  I don't want to be That Introvert---the eccentric hermit that people avoid out of habit.  I've increased my phonecalls to others and my plans to have phonecalls in general.  It's especially helpful for new friendships and old family relationships. 

The comfort zone of the telephone is minimal at best, but there are perks to this type of conversation---for example, I find it is easier to gauge the tone, content, and intent of the communication on the phone.  It's easier to remember elements of a conversation and note things that are important to the person in question.  I believe we should reclaim the telephone---as introverts, it is an important tool to invite others into our sphere of existence.

Exercise = Energy

As an introvert, I adore having time to do things on my own.  A great example of Introvert Recharging Activity is exercise!  Even if the gym is crowded, I can tune everyone out and listen to workout tunes while working towards that wonderful adrenaline high.  I've mentioned that taking a walk or bringing exercise gear on a trip is a great way to recharge as well.  I've found that many modern exercise machines have a holder for your e-reader or tablet (or book), so depending on how vigorously you plan to exercise, you can merge that introvert-activity with another favorite--reading.  Exercise is good for your mental and physical well-being---just don't overdo it. 

Happy recharging!

Being Alone Together

There are times when Romeyn (my wonderful husband) and I work silently, side by side or across the room from one another.   It's an easygoing silence that allows for deep thought and great productivity.  A shared purpose unites us in the silence, so we are not "alone" but we are definitely Alone Together in our activities.

A similar sense of tranquility can be maintained when an introvert is in a large crowd---it just depends upon the context.  For example, one of the most peaceful places that I've experienced is Grand Central Station.  A shared purpose unites those waiting for trains to depart or arrive.  Even when people are rushing to their destinations in the crowd, most travelers seem to avoid conflicts if possible and stick to their own paths and plans. 

This isn't a particularly comfortable station from the standpoint of having a place to sit or something specific to do while you wait.  Rather, it is more like a museum in that you can see so many things while you wait (and without interruption.)

I am the type of introvert that enjoys Being Alone Together--engaging in silent but shared activity that can be paused at any moment if either party wishes to take off or do something different.  Working together, visiting museums and reading are some of my favorites!

Introvert Standard Time (IST)

I used to giggle at my mother for getting up at what seemed like the break of dawn.  I'd hear her industriously cleaning, or come downstairs to find her listening to symphonies on the Hi-Fi.  Now that I'm older, I understand the wisdom of her early schedule.

A little meditation and exercise in the morning helps set the tone for the day.  Even if the exercise is a little housecleaning, and the "meditation" consists of a few quiet moments, it does wonders for a person's ability to cope with the uncertainties of everyday life.

In a household of young men, it also affords an introvert like me a few minutes of Nothing at All.  I'm so proud of my two stepsons.  My boys have done and continue to do amazing things, and I love hearing about it all!  The Introvert Time each morning allows me to be more attuned to them when they have such accomplishments and challenges to share.  Introvert Standard Time (or IST) should be an activity all of us introverts engage in regularly.  As a former colleague of mine noted, "When you have the time you need to relax, you're a happier person."

So I'll continue to sing the praises of a little IST in the morning...and thank my lucky stars that my mother set an example with such practical applications.  Thanks, Mom!

Awkward is As Awkward Does

Sometimes the efficiency in communication that I try to espouse both as an introvert and as a former Westchestarian...backfires.  However, it comes from a good place...a desire to be succinct while helpful.  It's funny to me that I can usually "spot" other Westchestarians on the phone during the business day, simply by listening to the pattern of *ExtremelyFastAndFuriousThoughtsAllAtOnceOKBye!*

This type of communication is desirable to me as an introvert.  It's quick, to the point, and maximizes the directness of the interchange.  It is, however, not that desirable to those who wish to engage in extended pleasantries.

I mean no offense in regards to pleasantries!  They are worthwhile in that they build relationships...at least at first.  However, sometimes this type of small talk makes the small hairs on the back of my neck stand straight up.  I just can't get out of there fast enough!  I hear a lot about weather, and I hear a lot of inquiries about how I'm doing that aren't really sincere inquiries...they're societal rituals.

Am I alone in feeling this way? Probably not.  But I really can't get a good sense of when to Small Talk, when to Engage in Pleasantries, and when to be Open.  I'm fairly certain that Being Open is not compatible with Small Talk.  And so the dance continues.

Introducing...A Sociable Introvert

Similar to many introverts the world over, I struggle with prolonged exposure to other people.  The highest compliment I can give to my wonderful husband is that it is better to hang out with him than it is to hang out by myself.  Many people don't realize the level of compliment this is for an introvert to bestow! 

However, as I frequently tell my younger stepson, we live in an incredibly social world.  Every year, we seem more connected, globalized, and dependent upon one another to survive.  Therefore, when I cannot be alone or alone-together with my wonderful family, I rely on some basic techniques for survival and energy-recharging purposes.  Some of my favorites are as follows:

1. Taking Knitting EVERYWHERE.  Not only does this allow the introvert in question to focus on something internally relevant while in any social environment...it is also a great conversation starter for those awkward moments when you're not sure how to even approach "small talk" with the people around you.  For example, I find that taking brightly colored knitting with me to parties and gatherings gets the people immediately around you to inquire briefly about your project, how long you've knitted, etc.

2. Bringing a "Survival Kit." Are you into something other than knitting?  Exercise, for example?  Bring portable equipment with you (gym shoes and a towel are the most basic forms) on visits to friends and family, and take the excuse to disappear into Introvert Time.

3. Finding the Hidey-Hole.  On many trips and even at many parties, there are built in Hidey-Holes.  On shorter visits, walks/hanging out outdoors on your own for small stretches of time are considered polite/permissible escapes.  On longer visits, sleeping in a bit and/or spending an extended bit of time in the bath are considered polite/permissible (again, within reason...not the whole morning).

4. Building Down-Time Into Vacations.  Going on vacation with your beloved extrovert? One of my family's favorite survival techniques is to build in a little down time so that the extroverts can get extra time Doing Stuff with Others, and the introverts in our family can just decompress with their favorite book, bath, videogame, or just a chair (ahhh...sweet relaxation).

This blog will serve as yet another survival mechanism...an outlet to potentially reach out to (and compare notes with) other introverts.  I hope you enjoy.  Thank you for reading!