The Search for Koji Suzuki

At quarter til nine this morning, I started a five-hour scavenger hunt for the original book "The Ring" by Koji Suzuki.  I had thought that "S:ES" was the entire Ring Trilogy since the e-book was titled "S:ES (Ring Trilogy)" but I was wrong.  I read the entire book "S:ES" and found out afterwards that this is one of the many sequels (trilogy, hmmm...maybe not a trilogy per se).

The author's style is simple on the surface, but wildly complex as you get to know each and every character in his stories.  He forges connections between stories in the expert way that a knitter casts off thread.

I started (as one might) at the Potsdam Public Library.  There was no copy to be borrowed, so I went downstairs to the Saturday Morning Book Sale.  Although I found treasures (always...awesome sale every Saturday), there was no Koji Suzuki to be had.

From there, I went to Thriftique.  Once again, many pretty books..but no Koji Suzuki.

I decided to try my luck in Massena.  I drove up to the Saint Lawrence Centre and walked the mall, looking for a book shop.  No luck.  I wound up browsing books across the complex at Ollie's.  There was no Koji Suzuki.

I drove back to Potsdam and visited the Clarkson Bookstore.  There was no Koji Suzuki.  I had the same luck at Best Friends thrift shop.

Finally, I visited the Birchbark Bookstore.  I love this bookstore, and of course I didn't leave empty-handed.  However, once again I had no luck locating Koji Suzuki.

After five hours of searching, I gave up and ordered the book on Amazon.  I am supremely disappointed that I wasn't able to purchase this from a brick and mortar book shop.  I am also disappointed in the book's lack of presence in the e-book market.

However, I will still read the book with relish when it arrives on Tuesday.

Be well, fellow Introverts.

Potsdam Walk I

My walk today was a jaunt northbound and eastbound on May Rd (from May and Leroy).  I then took a left onto Pleasant Valley Rd, headed south, and then took a left back into town on Route 56.

The highs:  This walk has idyllic views of some beautiful countryside in Potsdam.  One can relax and enjoy the light scent of pine about half of the way on May Rd.  With the exception of Route 56, the road is relatively empty at around nine in the morning.  Only one passerby in a vehicle was particularly rude (honked at me just for walking at the side of the road…whatever).  There were a few other runners/walkers on May and Pleasant Valley roads.

The lows: Unfortunately, people seem litter-happy on the entirety of this route.  Here is a small selection of disturbing things I saw at the side of the road during my walk:  Grocery bags full of detritus and tied (no idea what’s in them and kind of scared to find out), a butter knife, a pile of long human hair, a single latex glove, several small items of clothing, and a random piece of metal pipe.

Rating this walk on a scale of 1 (bad) to 10 (awesome), I’d have to rate it at a 6.  It was good!  It would have been better if we took better care of our local roads in Potsdam.

Time: 2 hours and 30 minutes

Length: 9 miles

Difficulty: Middle to high—there are a few hills and it does get a little dull and significantly louder/hotter on Route 56.

Happy Anniversary!!!

Back in 1997, I met Romeyn Prescott while gaming with a group of youngsters (one of whom I was dating at the time).  We played StarCraft, WarCraft, and Diablo I, II, and III (including the LOD expansion pack).  Since I was seeing one of the youngsters at the time, I simply noted that Romeyn was wonderfully geeky and handsome and moved along.

Fast forward a few years, and we stayed in touch from time to time using AOL Instant Messenger. We became friends over the course of these small communications.  Still, Romeyn was married and not on my radar in that way (because, y'know...married).

Fast forward a few more years, and Romeyn happened to become single.  I was in the middle of a toxic relationship which I won't describe here.  Romeyn was on AOL Instant Messenger on and off, so we chatted now and again during this time.

When I moved back home to New York State in 2007, I was not ready to be a long term partner to anyone.  I knew that I wanted marriage, but I wasn't sure what that would look like yet. 

Fast forward another year, and Romeyn and I found each other during prolonged chats, during which he would joke that I should marry him.  He said that a lot.

We got together in July of 2008, after a message from me to him that was basically a treatise on me liking him.  His parents and mine were a little taken aback, because our lives had been so different prior to getting together.  We were (and are) nine and a half years apart.  I'm 41 now, and he's 50.

For our first date, he asked me to meet him at Camp.  I wasn't familiar with Camp at that time (a historically relevant building in Keeseville, built by Romeyn's ancestors).

We met a little ways from Camp after I got thoroughly lost trying to find it.  Romeyn met me near an apple orchard, holding a daisy (my favorite flower) in his hand.  The phrase "You had me at hello" applies here--he had me at that little gesture of a daisy before our first date.

I met Kyle (then 10) and Romeyn's parents (Colleen and Peter), and then we headed to dinner at Livingoods in Plattsburgh.  We walked past fireworks in Plattsburgh afterwards.  It was magical.

I stayed over at Camp that night, in my own room.  When I was taking a bath on the second floor the next day, I heard Romeyn whistling a tune from The Music Man.  Round two of "He had me at hello." A love of musicals (and at least a tolerance for opera) is a must for me, because otherwise I'd drive the person in question absolutely batty.

I have been so happy since that first date.  It's been almost eleven years.  I still remember the nervousness of meeting some of his family, and the anticipation that I would meet his older son sometime soon thereafter.  I remember the "High School" style notes and giggles.  I remember truly feeling accepted as I am. 

We got married ten years ago, and I still believe Romeyn is the best thing that ever has happened to me.

Through the years, he's been there for me in every way--so much so that it still boggles my mind.  He is the best human I've ever met, my true love, my friend, my husband.

Happy Anniversary, Romeyn!

How I React to Online (Anonymous) Threats

Some enterprising dude has been sending a few anonymous (but definitely serial, and from the same source) threats to one of my oldest email addresses.

The actual threat described is one I've heard a number of times during the course of my lifetime.  "I'll tell so and so about _____." My reaction:  Stop being melodramatic.  Don't assume that other people's opinions are any of my business.

Life is too short to worry that much about reputation.  We live in a digital society, and almost everything is connected to the internet.  I stand by my actions, including my mistakes.  No one is perfect. 

"Life is pain, your highness.  Anyone telling you otherwise is selling something." - Wesley (The Princess Bride)

Jack Kornfield, Jon Kabat-Zinn and Ram Dass Walk Into a Bar...

Reading the subject line of this post, some of you are scratching your heads, while others are giggling just thinking of the absurdity of three mindfulness gurus as the beginning of an "Into a Bar" joke.

I've read and listened to a great many books on mindfulness, or living in the present moment.  Some of these books have been treatises on the wonders of reorienting your world view to include a lot more perspective and a lot less planning/dwelling.  Others have been mildly humorous manuals on meditation and focus.

All of these books have one common thread--the road to a better life begins with letting go.  With the advent of social media, we've taken worrying and obsession to the next level of intensity.  It is no surprise that social media overuse is bad for you.

Recently, I've started waking up earlier (par for the course and not unusual anymore)--five or even four thirty in the morning.  Normally, this would have started to worry me. After thinking about the advent of this phenomenon, however--I'm embracing it.  I used to wonder why my parents got up this early.  I bet it has to do with a mix of instinct  and genetic memory (perhaps, of farming/hunting/gathering and the need to rise early to make it possible to survive the long winter months).

Life is very quiet and peaceful at this time of day.  I have adequate time to meditate, wake up, read, knit, and exercise prior to the start of what will almost invariably be a busy day (weekend day or not, we tend to do quite a lot, Romeyn and I).

So I have let go of the concept of sleeping in and getting additional rest, at least for the present moment.  I'm finding the little moments of joy in a life that has fewer moments of rest but greater amounts of Amanda time.

Be well, fellow Introverts. 

YANA (You Are Not Alone)

Remember that episode of Dr. Who with "Chan....Tho"...where you realized that Dr. Yana (aka The Master, or Moriarty to Dr. Who's  Sherlock Holmes) had an acronym for a name?  The Face of Boe, Dr. Who, and Yana/Master play out this cute little enigma in grand style.

Similarly, I feel that those who suffer from Depression are often decoding life's mysteries to try to find others with whom to appropriately share their trials and tribulations.  The many, many hoops that insurance companies make us jump through do not help us in our quest.

When dealing with insurance companies, I often feel like I'm in a Western movie being asked to "dance" at gunpoint.   Dance, little Depressive.  Dance.  You need treatment?  We'll see about that.  Dance, dance, dance...

It's complicated by the fact that I'm an Introvert.  I often get the reaction of "I don't believe you're an Introvert." But the simple truth is that I get my energy by rest and time alone with my books.  People are by and large an exhausting reality for me.  That being said, they're important and worth the power drain.

So I go out of my way to perfect the people moments.  I try to connect and serve and be a good human being.

Today is going to be a great example of that.  A dear friend of mine and her children will be joining me at The Wild Center for some natural beauty and a nice walk (and photo ops for all of us, let's not forget that!).  Oooh, and I definitely want to spend a little time at the Otter Enclosure.

I'm looking forward to the event, AND it's hard for me to get up the energy to go.  Does that make the event bad for me?  No way!  It simply means I accept myself and my needs, AND I recognize that the good of seeing my friend, her kids, and nature far outweigh the negative impact of energy drain.

Accepting yourself is a big part of successfully navigating being an Introvert (and, frankly, it is good for Depression as well).  Be kind to yourselves, fellow Introverts.

Wiggle Your Fingers and Toes

I've recently begun a practice of morning meditation.  It brings a sense of openness to my surroundings, something we could use more of in this highly computerized age.  One of my favorite phrases during the guided daily meditations from an app aptly named "Calm" is this:  "Wiggle your fingers and toes." We, the guided, get to do this almost every day at the tail end of the session.

There's a delightful simplicity in this action.  How often do we stop and enjoy little things like this?