Happy Anniversary!!!

Back in 1997, I met Romeyn Prescott while gaming with a group of youngsters (one of whom I was dating at the time).  We played StarCraft, WarCraft, and Diablo I, II, and III (including the LOD expansion pack).  Since I was seeing one of the youngsters at the time, I simply noted that Romeyn was wonderfully geeky and handsome and moved along.

Fast forward a few years, and we stayed in touch from time to time using AOL Instant Messenger. We became friends over the course of these small communications.  Still, Romeyn was married and not on my radar in that way (because, y'know...married).

Fast forward a few more years, and Romeyn happened to become single.  I was in the middle of a toxic relationship which I won't describe here.  Romeyn was on AOL Instant Messenger on and off, so we chatted now and again during this time.

When I moved back home to New York State in 2007, I was not ready to be a long term partner to anyone.  I knew that I wanted marriage, but I wasn't sure what that would look like yet. 

Fast forward another year, and Romeyn and I found each other during prolonged chats, during which he would joke that I should marry him.  He said that a lot.

We got together in July of 2008, after a message from me to him that was basically a treatise on me liking him.  His parents and mine were a little taken aback, because our lives had been so different prior to getting together.  We were (and are) nine and a half years apart.  I'm 41 now, and he's 50.

For our first date, he asked me to meet him at Camp.  I wasn't familiar with Camp at that time (a historically relevant building in Keeseville, built by Romeyn's ancestors).

We met a little ways from Camp after I got thoroughly lost trying to find it.  Romeyn met me near an apple orchard, holding a daisy (my favorite flower) in his hand.  The phrase "You had me at hello" applies here--he had me at that little gesture of a daisy before our first date.

I met Kyle (then 10) and Romeyn's parents (Colleen and Peter), and then we headed to dinner at Livingoods in Plattsburgh.  We walked past fireworks in Plattsburgh afterwards.  It was magical.

I stayed over at Camp that night, in my own room.  When I was taking a bath on the second floor the next day, I heard Romeyn whistling a tune from The Music Man.  Round two of "He had me at hello." A love of musicals (and at least a tolerance for opera) is a must for me, because otherwise I'd drive the person in question absolutely batty.

I have been so happy since that first date.  It's been almost eleven years.  I still remember the nervousness of meeting some of his family, and the anticipation that I would meet his older son sometime soon thereafter.  I remember the "High School" style notes and giggles.  I remember truly feeling accepted as I am. 

We got married ten years ago, and I still believe Romeyn is the best thing that ever has happened to me.

Through the years, he's been there for me in every way--so much so that it still boggles my mind.  He is the best human I've ever met, my true love, my friend, my husband.

Happy Anniversary, Romeyn!

How I React to Online (Anonymous) Threats

Some enterprising dude has been sending a few anonymous (but definitely serial, and from the same source) threats to one of my oldest email addresses.

The actual threat described is one I've heard a number of times during the course of my lifetime.  "I'll tell so and so about _____." My reaction:  Stop being melodramatic.  Don't assume that other people's opinions are any of my business.

Life is too short to worry that much about reputation.  We live in a digital society, and almost everything is connected to the internet.  I stand by my actions, including my mistakes.  No one is perfect. 

"Life is pain, your highness.  Anyone telling you otherwise is selling something." - Wesley (The Princess Bride)

Jack Kornfield, Jon Kabat-Zinn and Ram Dass Walk Into a Bar...

Reading the subject line of this post, some of you are scratching your heads, while others are giggling just thinking of the absurdity of three mindfulness gurus as the beginning of an "Into a Bar" joke.

I've read and listened to a great many books on mindfulness, or living in the present moment.  Some of these books have been treatises on the wonders of reorienting your world view to include a lot more perspective and a lot less planning/dwelling.  Others have been mildly humorous manuals on meditation and focus.

All of these books have one common thread--the road to a better life begins with letting go.  With the advent of social media, we've taken worrying and obsession to the next level of intensity.  It is no surprise that social media overuse is bad for you.

Recently, I've started waking up earlier (par for the course and not unusual anymore)--five or even four thirty in the morning.  Normally, this would have started to worry me. After thinking about the advent of this phenomenon, however--I'm embracing it.  I used to wonder why my parents got up this early.  I bet it has to do with a mix of instinct  and genetic memory (perhaps, of farming/hunting/gathering and the need to rise early to make it possible to survive the long winter months).

Life is very quiet and peaceful at this time of day.  I have adequate time to meditate, wake up, read, knit, and exercise prior to the start of what will almost invariably be a busy day (weekend day or not, we tend to do quite a lot, Romeyn and I).

So I have let go of the concept of sleeping in and getting additional rest, at least for the present moment.  I'm finding the little moments of joy in a life that has fewer moments of rest but greater amounts of Amanda time.

Be well, fellow Introverts. 

YANA (You Are Not Alone)

Remember that episode of Dr. Who with "Chan....Tho"...where you realized that Dr. Yana (aka The Master, or Moriarty to Dr. Who's  Sherlock Holmes) had an acronym for a name?  The Face of Boe, Dr. Who, and Yana/Master play out this cute little enigma in grand style.

Similarly, I feel that those who suffer from Depression are often decoding life's mysteries to try to find others with whom to appropriately share their trials and tribulations.  The many, many hoops that insurance companies make us jump through do not help us in our quest.

When dealing with insurance companies, I often feel like I'm in a Western movie being asked to "dance" at gunpoint.   Dance, little Depressive.  Dance.  You need treatment?  We'll see about that.  Dance, dance, dance...

It's complicated by the fact that I'm an Introvert.  I often get the reaction of "I don't believe you're an Introvert." But the simple truth is that I get my energy by rest and time alone with my books.  People are by and large an exhausting reality for me.  That being said, they're important and worth the power drain.

So I go out of my way to perfect the people moments.  I try to connect and serve and be a good human being.

Today is going to be a great example of that.  A dear friend of mine and her children will be joining me at The Wild Center for some natural beauty and a nice walk (and photo ops for all of us, let's not forget that!).  Oooh, and I definitely want to spend a little time at the Otter Enclosure.

I'm looking forward to the event, AND it's hard for me to get up the energy to go.  Does that make the event bad for me?  No way!  It simply means I accept myself and my needs, AND I recognize that the good of seeing my friend, her kids, and nature far outweigh the negative impact of energy drain.

Accepting yourself is a big part of successfully navigating being an Introvert (and, frankly, it is good for Depression as well).  Be kind to yourselves, fellow Introverts.

Wiggle Your Fingers and Toes

I've recently begun a practice of morning meditation.  It brings a sense of openness to my surroundings, something we could use more of in this highly computerized age.  One of my favorite phrases during the guided daily meditations from an app aptly named "Calm" is this:  "Wiggle your fingers and toes." We, the guided, get to do this almost every day at the tail end of the session.

There's a delightful simplicity in this action.  How often do we stop and enjoy little things like this? 

1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144...

Numeric data provides at least a preliminary sense of stability in the world.  It is reassuring to go through the Fibonacci sequence, calculate normative statistics, or simply to count sheep while attempting to drift off to sleep.

Math is the basis for the world as we know it.  When I was an art student, math provided a beautiful basis for perspective--allowing me to show something receding into the distance, or foreshortened in the foreground. 

The golden ratio is everywhere we look...a seemingly magic bit of math that you can see in the very plants that surround us.

The fractal art of Alex Gray fascinated me in my youth (when I wasn't watching Financial News per my mother).  For some of his work, visit here:  https://fractalenlightenment.com/20/artwork/alex-grey-beyond-art

I think of the world in terms of scale, perspective, and curve.   Mathematicians and economists often apply their theories to their surroundings because these theories underpin those same surroundings.

A large scale provides an ample view of perspective--true mathematically, artistically, and emotionally.  Scarcity drives perceived value, which explains a great deal of human behavior, our perception of beauty, and our drive to seek the unknown.

Everything is math, and math is Everything. 

Be well, fellow Introverts.

Individualism, Integrity, Introversion, and Identity

As an Introvert, and especially as someone who is most definitely not neuro-typical, I sometimes struggle with reading a room.  That is to say, some of the things that make me uniquely Me are not for public consumption, and are especially not for professional consumption. 

Drawing those lines can be a little difficult in today's day and age.   The boundaries of work and home have become almost inextricably entwined.  Whole articles and books are dedicated to the idea of "Weisure" (Work/Leisure) because we have become so connected that work comes home and home comes to work in the form of mobile work stations and emergency family notifications (hooray for laptops, mobile phones, and tablets).

The difference between adaptive communications and maladaptive communications can be as simple as a given norm in an organization or division, department, or family. The bottom line is that, similar to NYS ethics laws as applied to public officials, the appearance of impropriety is as bad if not worse than actual impropriety.  So the careful application of situational logic is key.

I took constructive feedback yesterday that I passed on to one of my stepsons as an example of it being OK to misunderstand situational norms as an adult, and to learn from the experience rather than focusing on petty details in the moment.  I believe that one of the worst feelings is that of self-castigation after it becomes clear that a norm was not followed that should have been self-evident from the start.

In order to grow, everyone must let go and learn.  None of this would be possible without the ability to acknowledge and make room for their own minor missteps along the way.