One of the hardest moments of my co-parenting/step-parenting life is coming up this Friday. As hard as it was to let Brady go grow up and move on with his life as a collegiate adult, I'm now looking at an empty nest at the age of 38.
Letting Kyle go grow up and move on with his life as a collegiate adult is really, really hard because it marks The End of the one-week-on-one-week-off regularly scheduled family time. No longer will we hold Mondays and Wednesdays sacrosanct in the name of family dinners. The only remaining vestige of that time will be the occasional glimpse of Quintin (my boys' brother through their mum).
Everyone tells me that this should be easier because Kyle is going to SUNY Potsdam, but I disagree. When Brady went to SUNY Potsdam, we didn't constantly hear from him. We heard from him about the same amount that you'd hear from a child going to school across the state. This is normal, expected, and healthy. Brady is also an Extrovert. Kyle, on the other hand, is an Introvert. I worry that we won't hear from him much at all in comparison to Brady. I worry about the transition to college for him, since it was so difficult for me (his fellow Introvert and Stepmother). I simply worry.
Romeyn and I have planned a trip to see my mom this weekend. The trip serves two purposes: 1. Since we'll be moving Kyle into college on Friday, it'll be nice to be out of town and not in our Empty Nest for the first night; and 2. We'll spend some time playing Scrabble with Mom (and perhaps Jess and Bryce if they're free and wish to do so!).
There will also be ample time to play at Art and other forms of parallel play (very Introvert friendly stuff, that).
Be well, fellow Introverts.
Tuesday, August 23, 2016
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (TRBBT)
I've recently been burned rather severely by the bureaucratic machinations of health insurance. Several appointments, once made, could not be kept.
Coverage for some types of providers seems to be dynamic--ever changing, unstable, volatile, and untrustworthy. The metaphor that springs to mind every time that I receive a new and interesting Explanation of Benefits (EOB) is a monster--a giant bureaucratic beast, all hairy arms and big teeth. Rather than beating my breast or playing supplicant to the beast in a suitably melodramatic "hair shirt," I've chosen to arm myself with knowledge and humor.
Knowledge is perfect armor and a wonderful lance to lob at the beast. My care provider refers me to a doctor and I double check the data. Everyone wins. Even the health insurance company is happy to be a part of this cycle of information, because it does push my specialist appointments out further, meaning that costs to my health insurance company get billed at a later date.
Humor is essential, because without it I would quite literally scream and shout. I have decided that Health Insurance Bureaucracy is a beast. Specifically, it is the bureaucratically-referenced beast from Douglas Adams's "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." In short, it is The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal. If we turn this into an acronym, it is TRBBT. If we pronounce the acronym as a word and not as the names of its individual letters, the beast is named "Tribbit."
I am off to do further battle with Tribbit. Join me, my fellow Introverts, as we silently scour the internet for further knowledge to lob at the fearsome beast...
Coverage for some types of providers seems to be dynamic--ever changing, unstable, volatile, and untrustworthy. The metaphor that springs to mind every time that I receive a new and interesting Explanation of Benefits (EOB) is a monster--a giant bureaucratic beast, all hairy arms and big teeth. Rather than beating my breast or playing supplicant to the beast in a suitably melodramatic "hair shirt," I've chosen to arm myself with knowledge and humor.
Knowledge is perfect armor and a wonderful lance to lob at the beast. My care provider refers me to a doctor and I double check the data. Everyone wins. Even the health insurance company is happy to be a part of this cycle of information, because it does push my specialist appointments out further, meaning that costs to my health insurance company get billed at a later date.
Humor is essential, because without it I would quite literally scream and shout. I have decided that Health Insurance Bureaucracy is a beast. Specifically, it is the bureaucratically-referenced beast from Douglas Adams's "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." In short, it is The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal. If we turn this into an acronym, it is TRBBT. If we pronounce the acronym as a word and not as the names of its individual letters, the beast is named "Tribbit."
I am off to do further battle with Tribbit. Join me, my fellow Introverts, as we silently scour the internet for further knowledge to lob at the fearsome beast...
Wednesday, August 3, 2016
Remember to Breathe
Cats are fantastic instructors in the art of Self-Care. Here are a few lessons from Trouble and Pumpkin:
1. Yawn like you mean it---breathe unabashedly and mightily.
2. Take the time to stretch, and take your time while stretching. There is no use in relaxation if you do not make the time to enjoy it.
3. Take frequent naps.
4. Run like the wind, for absolutely no reason at all.
5. Don't stay in the same position all day. True relaxation takes work, and re-positioning.
6. Take pride in your appearance. A well-groomed kitty is appreciated by all!
7. When you make a mistake, move on. Don't obsess.
8. Be observant, but not hyper-vigilant. After all, it's not every moment of the day that you hear a sudden noise and perk up your ears.
9. Play every day.
10. Take the opportunities when they arise. Doors don't always open, but when they do, you can get a great new view of the world!
1. Yawn like you mean it---breathe unabashedly and mightily.
2. Take the time to stretch, and take your time while stretching. There is no use in relaxation if you do not make the time to enjoy it.
3. Take frequent naps.
4. Run like the wind, for absolutely no reason at all.
5. Don't stay in the same position all day. True relaxation takes work, and re-positioning.
6. Take pride in your appearance. A well-groomed kitty is appreciated by all!
7. When you make a mistake, move on. Don't obsess.
8. Be observant, but not hyper-vigilant. After all, it's not every moment of the day that you hear a sudden noise and perk up your ears.
9. Play every day.
10. Take the opportunities when they arise. Doors don't always open, but when they do, you can get a great new view of the world!
 |
| Trouble: "Put the laptop down and pet me." |
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| Pumpkin: "I was sitting on your lap. Don't get up!" |
Tuesday, July 26, 2016
In The Trenches
I'm at medical appointment 2 out of 3 today, and 3 out of 5 this week. We're all somewhat familiar with the "Hurry Up And Wait" nature of medical appointments. I tend to bring my laptop with me so that I can be productive, catch up on email and Facebook, and try to make the most of the down time that would normally be filled with anxiety ("What's wrong with me NOW???").
One of my appointments was interrupted this morning due to someone else's emergency. On one hand, such is life...on the other hand, it places more delay into the mix, and involves someone else being in medical trouble.
I try to take care of myself, but there are so many factors at work here. There's a dearth of time (the time-dearth continuum). A paucity of time to pause (a pause-paucity). I love to spend time with family and friends, but part of me will continually resent so many plans having to be in place. I wouldn't be a hermit if allowed, but I would definitely be somewhat more reclusive.
After this appointment, I head back to work (which I normally love). Today, I wish I could just be in the woods with a book and a blanket. Especially right now.
One of my appointments was interrupted this morning due to someone else's emergency. On one hand, such is life...on the other hand, it places more delay into the mix, and involves someone else being in medical trouble.
I try to take care of myself, but there are so many factors at work here. There's a dearth of time (the time-dearth continuum). A paucity of time to pause (a pause-paucity). I love to spend time with family and friends, but part of me will continually resent so many plans having to be in place. I wouldn't be a hermit if allowed, but I would definitely be somewhat more reclusive.
After this appointment, I head back to work (which I normally love). Today, I wish I could just be in the woods with a book and a blanket. Especially right now.
Wednesday, July 20, 2016
Putting Off Needle-Work and Machinery
I drive my doctors a bit batty because I procrastinate with impunity when it comes to the completion of labs and scans. To say that my medical history is a bit awkward would be like saying that The Golden Gate Bridge is a bit orange.
Some of the more heinous medical issues that I've experienced started between the ages of six and ten. I have vivid memories of clutching a teddy bear and being promised ice cream if I would just sit still for a moment while being poked, prodded, and drained of small amounts of blood via very large needles. This happened almost monthly. Although I'm stoic when I go in to get phlebotomized (blood work) as an adult, it's still reminiscent of a time that is best long forgotten.
This week and next are chock full of medical appointments and testing...and I can't put it off any longer. It drives *me* a little batty when colleagues wonder why I am so busy all of the time. Between my medical issues, family obligations, work, and the few moments that I take as mine...very little time is left. Let me say this once (and hopefully, I won't have to say it often): Relative youth does not equal an unlimited amount of time and energy for volunteerism and favors. I'm happy to help when I can...but I'm (respectfully) clear about the issue when I'm unable to assist.
Setting limits is important. Judging another person for setting those limits should not be an acceptable practice.
Be well, fellow Introverts.
Some of the more heinous medical issues that I've experienced started between the ages of six and ten. I have vivid memories of clutching a teddy bear and being promised ice cream if I would just sit still for a moment while being poked, prodded, and drained of small amounts of blood via very large needles. This happened almost monthly. Although I'm stoic when I go in to get phlebotomized (blood work) as an adult, it's still reminiscent of a time that is best long forgotten.
This week and next are chock full of medical appointments and testing...and I can't put it off any longer. It drives *me* a little batty when colleagues wonder why I am so busy all of the time. Between my medical issues, family obligations, work, and the few moments that I take as mine...very little time is left. Let me say this once (and hopefully, I won't have to say it often): Relative youth does not equal an unlimited amount of time and energy for volunteerism and favors. I'm happy to help when I can...but I'm (respectfully) clear about the issue when I'm unable to assist.
Setting limits is important. Judging another person for setting those limits should not be an acceptable practice.
Be well, fellow Introverts.
Monday, July 11, 2016
Moving Right Along
This morning, I caught the tail end of a story on NPR about managing medical care when you have a chronic condition. To say that managing medical care (coordinating between insurance coverage and multiple doctors) is no picnic is an understatement. This is a story to which a lot of us can personally relate.
Living with Major Depression is *absolutely* no picnic, but it is chemical and biological in nature, which allows me to accept that it is not a character defect. The de-stigmatization of mental illness is a personal passion--trust me when I say that I have been discriminated against on the basis of my condition, many times over. A combination of medication and CBT (a specific type of counseling) is the best combination of treatments for me. Unfortunately, it's very difficult to keep the CBT going on a consistent basis.
When a person has migraines, they begin to know their triggers inside and out...making sure that allergies are addressed (avoiding allergens altogether or taking medicine for them), sunglasses are used in the sun and adequate water is taken with them everywhere that they go. Similarly, when a person has Major Depression, triggers are known intimately. I avoid certain types of plots in movies and TV shows. When major life events are about to happen (family surgeries, graduations, weddings, births, funerals), I have a "to-go" kit of things that help. Knitting is a big item in the kit, as well as coloring books, novels, and music. I try to remain aware of emotional eating and drinking, and I keep a journal close by.
The past few months have been rife with major life events. With that in mind, I am swimming right along and moving right along with the twists and turns of fate. My most recent efforts have centered around finding a new counselor...something I have been working at for almost a full year. Finding and keeping a counselor is very difficult when one lives in the North Country of New York. I've had counselors retire, change practices and insurance coverage, move out of the area, and my personal favorite---drop me entirely without adequate notice or a plan for continued care.
I am lucky to have a wonderful family--a supportive spouse and two understanding stepsons. Without their love and support I would struggle a lot more with the issue of continued care. However, the expectation in this region *should* be one of consistent and continued care, without the added hurdles of spending hours on the phone attempting to coordinate services.
Be well, fellow Introverts.
Living with Major Depression is *absolutely* no picnic, but it is chemical and biological in nature, which allows me to accept that it is not a character defect. The de-stigmatization of mental illness is a personal passion--trust me when I say that I have been discriminated against on the basis of my condition, many times over. A combination of medication and CBT (a specific type of counseling) is the best combination of treatments for me. Unfortunately, it's very difficult to keep the CBT going on a consistent basis.
When a person has migraines, they begin to know their triggers inside and out...making sure that allergies are addressed (avoiding allergens altogether or taking medicine for them), sunglasses are used in the sun and adequate water is taken with them everywhere that they go. Similarly, when a person has Major Depression, triggers are known intimately. I avoid certain types of plots in movies and TV shows. When major life events are about to happen (family surgeries, graduations, weddings, births, funerals), I have a "to-go" kit of things that help. Knitting is a big item in the kit, as well as coloring books, novels, and music. I try to remain aware of emotional eating and drinking, and I keep a journal close by.
The past few months have been rife with major life events. With that in mind, I am swimming right along and moving right along with the twists and turns of fate. My most recent efforts have centered around finding a new counselor...something I have been working at for almost a full year. Finding and keeping a counselor is very difficult when one lives in the North Country of New York. I've had counselors retire, change practices and insurance coverage, move out of the area, and my personal favorite---drop me entirely without adequate notice or a plan for continued care.
I am lucky to have a wonderful family--a supportive spouse and two understanding stepsons. Without their love and support I would struggle a lot more with the issue of continued care. However, the expectation in this region *should* be one of consistent and continued care, without the added hurdles of spending hours on the phone attempting to coordinate services.
Be well, fellow Introverts.
Thursday, June 30, 2016
Better Home and Garden, and Ram Dass
One of my favorite books of all time is "How Can I Help?" by Ram Dass and Paul Gorman. It's a bird's eye view of the natures and passions that sway an individual's drive to assist other beings in the world. The book was given to me by a dear friend during a very difficult time in my life, right before moving home to New York State.
There are so many wonderful points in the book, some more amusing than helpful (ironically). But the best (and the most memorable to me) was a little allegory about a wise man who refused to wear pants in his hut. Everyone went to the wise man for assistance because he was so self-assured (and presumably, a sage). However, his disciples wondered why he refused to wear pants in his hut. His answer (paraphrased): 'You are in my hut. My hut serves as my pants. I am comfortable here as I am, and you have sought me out.' The moral that I took away from that story was simple--those who are most comfortable with themselves wind up being perceived as wise (with the wherewithal to truly listen to others), and comfort with one's self does mean making others uncomfortable from time to time.
Another moral of that story is that we are in the best place to help others when we have addressed our own needs (Maslow's Hierarchy speaks to that as well).
This week has been about caring for my space, my mind-space, and my restfulness. I believe this activity has made me a better partner to Romeyn in the process, as well as a better friend, better worker, and better person.
Be well, fellow Introverts.
There are so many wonderful points in the book, some more amusing than helpful (ironically). But the best (and the most memorable to me) was a little allegory about a wise man who refused to wear pants in his hut. Everyone went to the wise man for assistance because he was so self-assured (and presumably, a sage). However, his disciples wondered why he refused to wear pants in his hut. His answer (paraphrased): 'You are in my hut. My hut serves as my pants. I am comfortable here as I am, and you have sought me out.' The moral that I took away from that story was simple--those who are most comfortable with themselves wind up being perceived as wise (with the wherewithal to truly listen to others), and comfort with one's self does mean making others uncomfortable from time to time.
Another moral of that story is that we are in the best place to help others when we have addressed our own needs (Maslow's Hierarchy speaks to that as well).
This week has been about caring for my space, my mind-space, and my restfulness. I believe this activity has made me a better partner to Romeyn in the process, as well as a better friend, better worker, and better person.
Be well, fellow Introverts.
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