Sometimes Home is On The Road

Romeyn and I are on the road to Westerville, Ohio.  Quintin and Darren have agreed to watch the cats for us, and give them not only food and water, but quality attention.  I have set the extended-absence response in my work email account.  My black dresses and black shoes are packed up.  We've been on the road since seven in the morning, and we're not due to arrive for another few hours.

I've spent the last few weeks coping with a great number of changes in my life, up to and including the enormous Uncle Jim shaped hole in the world.  He and I were like oil and water when I was little--past-me, a tiny liberal--him, not so much.  Romeyn is more or less the reason why we got along so well over the past almost-decade.  Nothing gives you a better appreciation for your family like the relatively unbiased viewpoint of someone meeting them for the first time.  Romeyn and I had only been going out for a month or so before he met most of my extended family on my mom's side.

Uncle Jim was a good man.  He was skilled in metal-work, he was well-read and outspoken in his views in a uniquely Uncle-Jim kind of way.  He reminded me of my Grandfather Houf (Waldo Emerson Houf, or "Popie") in more than a few ways.  The expectations of gender-roles prevalent during his childhood did not bar him from self-expression, and I admired that greatly.

I'm reading a book right now about how to care less about everything, but I won't care less about Uncle Jim. 

Rest in peace, old man.  You are missed forever.

A Silver Lining in a Storm Cloud

Memories are such an integral part of who we are because they are the underlying filters through which we view the world.  My choices are informed by my experiences.  If I can't remember those experiences, it is as if the experiences did not exist. 

I firmly believe that this is why ailments such as Alzheimer's are so devastating.  The person that you knew disappears in part, or parts.  The person that you were changes, becomes childlike, innocent, but unaware of current events and past formative experiences.

There are entire sections of my life that I do not remember because of the amount of Epilepsy medications and the combinations/types of those medications that were prescribed.  I am not ungrateful for the medical assistance.  My life was dependent on those medications.  I was lucky enough to see the disappearance of Epileptic activity in my brain by the age of 15.

There are times now when I remember bits and pieces of the truths of those years (six to fifteen years of age), including some bad things that I did, or were done to me, or both.  It is tempting to spiral into contemplation of those things, even though the meds gave me so many years of unsuspecting and admittedly blissful unawareness.

As an adult, with a balanced worldview including time spent far, far away from home--I'm glad that I did not remember these things as a child, or a young adult.   I was not ready to handle the shift of worldview.  Knowing what I know now, I am able to navigate some of the fallout of harder times and move through those recovered memories in a way that is healthy. 

Most of this type of navigation - moving through the events and dynamics of our pasts in order to get to a healthier present - is not precisely about "getting over it." Working through any part of our histories is about getting through the new data, using it to inform our choices in a way that is also new.

I work with data every day - some has positive impacts and some has negative impacts.  The important thing is to keep working, no matter the implication of the subject matter at hand.  Be present in the moment, and give your best effort to living a life of integrity.

Be well, fellow Introverts.

An Open Letter to Donald Trump

Dear Mr. President-Elect,

                Unlike many of my colleagues, family members and friends, I do not challenge your right to assume the role of President, as the Electoral College did cast the majority of their votes for you.

                As a patriot and a government-worker myself, I hold the office of the President in the highest regard.  I have even argued that every President of The United States has done at least one good thing for policy and for the public good during their tenure.  I have been called a bad liberal for believing such things, but when you are in the thick of public service, you get a much different perspective than the lobbyists on both sides of the aisle have the luxury of maintaining.

                With this in mind, and retaining the highest of respect for the office of the Commander in Chief, I implore you be vigilant, concerned, patient, and kind.  Please do not start wars during your tenure as President.  Please do not make birth control prohibitively expensive.  Please try your best to encourage the public’s esteem.  Do good works.  Assuming that we only have this one life to do the best that we possibly can—do the best that you can and be the best President that you possibly can be.  Whether Republican or Democrat, Liberal or Conservative, there is an expectation (a reasonable one) that while one is President, one should try their best to be above reproach.

                I work with finances, and so almost every day my numbers are subject to discussion—base assumptions change, expectations change.  If I took challenges, corrections, or opposition to my work personally and vented any number of reactions to these on Twitter, my job would be in jeopardy.   This is as it should be.  Public administration (whether protected by Civil Service laws or not) is the art of working with others to arrive at solutions to public problems.  Working with others is key.  I can do irreparable damage to my reputation if I do not keep that in mind.  A measure of decorum is necessary, and it is a sacrifice to provide that decorum.  Maintenance of decorum attributable to your position is the sacrifice that you are (at least minimally) agreeing to make when you step into The Office of The President of The United States.

                I can completely understand the drive to go the opposite direction – after all, your persona during the election season was a brash and outspoken candidate who breaks the rules and comes close to throwing out the rule-book.

                I have faith that you can find a middle ground to soldier ahead in the role of President without needling your public on Twitter.  We as a country need to know that you will work for all of us, not punish us for exercising the right to free speech.  Not everyone is destined to be a President.  The rules that will now apply to you are so much stricter than the rules for the rest of America.  Be worthy of the office.  Be my President, too.

Best regards,

Amanda C. Prescott, MPA

Simplify, Part III

Sometimes, I am told that I am a quiet person.  Now, as an Introvert, it's no secret that quiet-time is WONDERFUL for my mental health and overall sense of well-being.  However, most of the time, I have the capability to be loud, strange, and fun.  Just ask my stepsons...many is the time that they've blinked at me in horror and amusement while I invented new dance steps to peppy classical music or (the absolute horror!!!) pop songs.

In a fabulously globalized and connected world, there are times when it's simply best to keep "Shields at 100%, Captain!" Publicly (specifically in mixed company instead of with close friends), a more subdued (but still open and honest) persona emerges.  Shields are a boon to an Introvert.  It's become so socially acceptable to be in a state of constant and personal offense.  An offended state of mind is very exhausting to maintain, especially for an Introvert.

Triggers abound, trust me.  I've made no secret of the fact that I have PTSD from a time in my life that was very, very, very difficult.  I just don't publicly discuss the details (no one really needs that, and it's my business to discuss).  However, I'm hardly alone in the PTSD boat.  My Introvert Shields help with the challenges associated with sensitivity to triggers, as do the medication and counseling that constitute Part II of my PTSD-related Introvert self-care.

The simplest solution is best for me.  If I am quiet, it doesn't mean I'm offended or even unfriendly.  Sometimes, the shields go up so that I can maintain and thrive in an Extroverted world that has not been and should not be censored for my protection.

Be well, fellow Introverts.

Simplify, Part II

This morning, due to the wonderful (simpler) new 'do, I had a bit more time with kitties and books.  After reading time was over, I also had a bit of a quandary...all of my "greatest hits" clothing was in the laundry bin.  We've all been there.   Clothing, clothing, everywhere...but not an outfit to be had.

I decided to jump into the fray with a simpler attitude--I went shopping in my own closet.  Since not everything fits (some too big, some too small), it was frustrating but ultimately fun to find the little surprises in the corners of our walk-in closet.  I wound up with a daisy cut-out skirt, a bright teal sweater (with matching necklace), and suede boots.  It feels fantastic, fits well, and I even got a compliment on the outfit on my way to work today. 

This is all part of my effort to SIMPLIFY so that I can keep the Introvert Time flowing...

Simplify

This past month, I realized that my long hair took about an hour and a half to air-dry.  Blow-dryers are terribly noisy and uncomfortable, but the air-drying was becoming onerous--one shower, and suddenly I was "grounded" in this lovely wintry weather.

Of course, the next thought I had was, "Maybe it's time to go short again."  The difficulty with really short hair is that when you are overweight, it highlights lovely things like a mini-roll of fat on the back of the neck.  So...I needed comfort, simplicity (to air dry, perchance to avoid hair products!!), and volume.  Google was the answer.

Google Search Term:  "Short hairstyles for fat faces."
Results:  Soooooooooooo many results!

I even found a lovely website where you could upload your chubby visage and superimpose different hairstyles on top of your particular face.  That was wicked amounts of fun, because the highs were high, and the lows were...well...disturbingly Trump-like (hilarious).

I took the best results to Sarah Tebo.  Sarah, the best hairstylist I've found in Potsdam to date, executed a lovely cut that is part bob, and part pixie.  It's a bixie!

All I have to do is wash, towel-dry, and get moving.  The more tousled it gets, the more voluminous (and pretty) the style gets.  This is particularly wonderful at the gym, where I used to cuss quietly at the little bobby-pins that fell out while I used the elliptical.  For fancy occasions, a headband, perhaps with a flower on the side.

This movement towards simplicity is something I've attempted in the name of keeping my sanity during a time of extreme transitions.  My mentor has retired after a long, illustrious career.  I have reached the sandwich generation (in which you worry about the kiddos AND your parents).  I'm using reading glasses (dubbed "cheaters" if you're unfamiliar with the lingo).  Simplification allows for fewer worries and a faster morning routine...which enables me to have wonderful Introvert Time with my books and my kitties before hitting the road.

Be well, fellow Introverts.

A Brief Love Note for Alli

Those who know me best realize that I am very skeptical about new medications, no matter the intent of the drug.  This is a result of over a decade of my youth spent in an iatrogenic fog of side effects from various treatments for a very serious neurological disorder.

Those who have worked with me over the past decade or so know that I'm also very passionate about reading the fine print for new agreements and projects.  "Read before you sign" is my mantra.  The extra time now is worth it to avoid pain later.  ("Measure twice, cut once.")

It is with these principles in mind that I began a cautiously optimistic relationship with the diet drug Alli.  Having read through the fine print and having deemed the potential gastrointestinal side-effects as nothing to worry about (how could I possibly tell--I have issues with my digestive system anyway!), I embarked on this new diet adventure.

It has been a week and a half.

So far, I've gotten through the holidays, not quite glutting myself on holiday fare as the fine print clearly mentions that it is very important to limit fat intake if you want to avoid major gastrointestinal distress.  I'm "down" 0.3 lbs, which is nothing for a week and a half.  But if you take into account my "normal" ingestion of food (not glutting, but also not "dieting"), and my "normal" activity levels (nothing above a ~350 calorie elliptical workout daily with several days of rest interspersed therein), the progress is great.

The pros:  Alli is FDA-approved.  Alli is not speed. 
The cons: When I do experience the side effects (when I've had too much fat and Alli is clearly meant to handle a certain level of fat intake), they are pretty disturbing.  Thankfully, this only happened once.

The trick now is to self-regulate.  There's a happy medium somewhere here, and I mean to find it.  Happy Holidays, Introverts.